meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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