I saw his package. It spoke to me.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
