Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
