did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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