I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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