you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
