Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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