how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
