C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
