So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize