drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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