Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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