Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
The Olympian is in my bed
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
