he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Four minutes until I can fart!
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
