I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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