You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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