well I can't set my house on fire every night
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Girls should come with a carfax report
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
