is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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