god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
