OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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