When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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