How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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