take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
