4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
