just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He better not be in your backpack
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
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