I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Randomize
