hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Randomize
