i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Are my feet made of real feet?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
