I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
