well most of my day revolves around power hour
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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