That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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