I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
