Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
