I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
