How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
