I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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