Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
