If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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