I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
