I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
