This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
