those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She's the barista slut.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
