When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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