i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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