I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
