eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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