I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
