Where is the hickey?
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
