I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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