If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
