I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
