your room smells of hookers.
And success
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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