Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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