I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
