In the future we'll all be gay
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
