I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
