The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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