Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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