He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
