we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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