I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
