Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i think i have two assholes
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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