i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
