I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize