that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Randomize
