Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
