I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
