I just made out with a guy for $7.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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