dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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