What did we do last night that was yellow?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
